After studying thousands of couples in his “Love Lab,” Dr. Gottman discovered that almost all of the issues discussed in conflict conversations boiled down to the same reoccurring questions about trust:
- “Will you be there for me?”
- “Will you choose me over your friends?”
- “Will you stay sexually faithful to me?”
Using the precepts of game theory, Dr. Gottman has been able to develop formulas to calculate the trust level in relationships. Among these equations is what he calls a couple’s trust metric – an indication of the partners’ faith in each other.
Additionally, Dr. Gottman computed a betrayal metric that calculates how unwilling each partner is to sacrifice for the other and the relationship. If a couple’s betrayal metric is high, they are at risk for infidelity or other serious disloyalty.
You don’t need a mathematical equation or a couples therapist to know that trust is good for a relationship and betrayal is bad. With that said, do you know how strong the trust level is in your relationship?
The following brief quiz will give you a snapshot of your relationship’s trust metric. I would encourage you to download the full assessment below and ask your partner to answer the questions, too. Calculating your trust metric you will provide a foundation for talking about what is working in your relationship and what needs some attention.
If you’d like to take the full Trust Metric Questionnaire, add your email below and we’ll send it directly to your inbox. The Questionnaires blog column offers quizzes to help you assess the strengths in your relationship and identify areas that may need attention.
Note: These questionnaires are intended to be psychoeducational. If you would like a full evaluation of your relationship, you can ask your therapist to invite you to complete the Gottman Relationship Checkup. If you’re not currently seeing a therapist, you can find one in your area on the Gottman Referral Network.More in Dating